


Hopeless Wanderer

by EmllyC



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (A little bit of Clarke/Raven romantically), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Clarke, Dark Clarke Griffin, Depression, During Canon, F/F, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Princess Mechanic, References to Depression, Suicide, major death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26383552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmllyC/pseuds/EmllyC
Summary: (No Madi, no Shadow Vally. Earth is pretty much destroyed.)Clarke has been wandering the Eastern United states, which had been turned into a desolate wasteland. She has a source of food and water, and the rover for shelter. But what she doesn't have shelter from is the onliness of being alone on a planet.Up in space, Bellamy had accepted the death of his best friend. She had finally gave everything to her friends, setting aside all of her own needs or wants, and he accepted that, even if it took a year of being in space to get his head wrapped around the fact he left her to die.One person who isn't over it, however, is Raven. For so long she had blamed Clarke for so much that clearly wasn't her fault, for things she did just to protect them.
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Raven Reyes
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	1. 50 Days.

**Author's Note:**

> Go easy on me, I'm not a native speaker lol.

_50 days. 50. 50 days. It has been 50 days._

Clarke repeated this to herself, trying not to forget. She didn't want to give up hope that she could live. 

She was still alive, and no one knew it. Not her mother, not her best friend, not any of the surviving 100. No one.

She lived off of bugs and collected water from rain. The water would kill anyone who wasn't a nightblood from how much radiation was in it, but it was fine for her.

_Eat. Drink. Survive._

She would repeat this to herself every day like she needed to be reminded. Because maybe she did.

She didn't stay in one place for too long. She kept on the move, and she didn't know why. It wasn't like she would suddenly come across a giant vally filled with green. But she kept moving every day, driving the rover from sector to sector, occasionally going back to Polis and Arkadia but leaving after crying for an hour each time.

She had tried to get into the bunker, to her mom, but all she had managed to do was make it worse. 

She was hopeless. She had nowhere to go, no one to take her, nothing to do but survive. She used to think life was about more than just surviving, but now she knew that was false.

She didn't know why she even still went on. 

Every day all she wanted to do was just lay down on the ground and let the sun take her. She wanted to give up.

_I can't_ , she thought to herself when these thoughts came to her mind once more.

_I have to survive...I have too. For...for...._

She trailed off in her thoughts, knowing she didn't have an answer.

She thought that maybe if she died, she would be failing her friends, those still alive and those who had died. That if she died, she would be failing Lexa. 

But she already had. No matter how hard she tried, she wasn't able to unite the clans. They kept on fighting and fighting, all the way to the end. All the way until they where forced to cooperate with eachother because of Octavia. 

But not in the way that Clarke and Lexa had wanted. Under fear, not unity. Fear of death. Their lives where about surviving and nothing more.

Clarke was wrong about them as well. 


	2. Year 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year has passed since spacekru left Clarke on the burning earth and returned to the ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Don't expect any Bellarke romantically. I may not be a Bellarke Stan but I do respect their characters friendship and comradery.

Bellamy looked out the window to the vast expanse of earth. It was dead. 

He looked over every part of the planet, hoping to any god that would listen that he would see at least some green, but he never found what he was looking for.

After he finally accepted that there was no green, his heart dropped as he realized what this meant for his best friend.

Clarke had sacrificed herself to save them all. Yet again. 

He had held out hope for so long. 

He knew Clarke was a survivor. If anyone could survive a wasted planet, it was her. 

But he knew deep down that she was gone. She was finally taken by the earth. He found some sollace that she was hopefully at peace, knowing and satisfied that her friends were safe. 

Raven walked up next to Bellamy and looked out the window.

She said the opposite of what had just gone through Bellamys mind.

"She's down there. I know it. If anyone could survive that, it's Clarke. She's more of a cockroach then Murphy," she said with a small laugh, hoping she seemed positive, but she didn't know if she was saying this for Bellamys benifit or her own.

They stood there for a moment, in silence.

"I don't think so, Raven," he responded in a clear and stable voice.

"W..what?" she stuttered, "Oh come on Bellamy don't tell me you've gone all emo on me," the mechanic responded. 

Bellamy turned to Raven.

"I'm serious, Raven. She's gone. I know it. Even if she could survive a wasteland, which I'm sure she could, this wasteland is too much, even for her. There isn't a single source of food... even if the nightblood worked and she can survive the radiation...the death wave was too much, Raven. It wasn't just radiation...it was fire. The heat itself would have killed her. Raven, We can't keep up this hope... I've sat here everyday for a year now, looking down at the earth, hoping to see something that could give me hope for her survival, but nothing. No green, no oceans, no lakes that I can see...Earth is dead, at least for now. We have to accept this Raven. We can't go on for 5 years thinking someone is alive. We'll just be even more disapointed when we learn the truth. 5 years of anticipation, thinking someone we all love is alive? Just to learn that she isn't? It would be too much Raven. You have to move on. We all do. I know she's gone, but that doesn't diminish what she did for us, it just elevates it. Just accept the truth Raven. You have always been so inclined to see truth, with evidence. But there is none, Raven. Look at the opposing evidence. She's gone."

Bellamy ended his monologue to let Raven respond, and it took her several beats to come up with an answer.

"I'm not giving up. Not for her. She has sacrificed so much for us all. She didn't care what we thought of her, she didn't care what was in her path. She wa-is strong. She's powerful. She cares too much and that's what I love about her..." She trailed off for a second before continuing. "She sacrificed so much. She set aside her pain, her own needs, everything. She moved past the pain of losing her father, of losing Lexa. She even sacrificed her own morality. She put herself through so much torture by kill...by killing Finn, just for his own good. Just so he wouldn't have to suffer. She didn't care what her own people thought about her when she made the list. She didn't care what **I** thought. And I hated her. I blamed her for so much and it's only now that she is gone I can see her for what she is. A hero. Even though she had to make the impossible decisions, like pulling the lever in mount weather, maybe not by herself but making _the choice_ to pull the lever. No matter how much her people hated her, she still fought for them. All the way to the end."

Bellamy understood, but to him Ravens point just solidified his own. Clarke deserved peace, an end to the violence. An end to her tortured life of being forced to make the hard decisions.

"I can't keep hope for something I know isn't true," he said, looking back out the window.

"Then your dumber than I thought," the girl responded, turning away with a furry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know of any grammar mistakes and such!


	3. Year 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those who are in the bunker think they have a way out, but it doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you really like any of the characters who where in the second dawn bunker....yea um sorry.

Octavia looked through the airlock and at the guards placing the explosives on the outer door.

"You're sure this will work?" she directs the question to the engineer next to her.

"Yes, Blodreina," they respond. "The explosives will channel directly to the outer door, blowing it out, then the second explsion will destroy the debree above it. It will open the door, and we will set up a secondary radiation tent outside of this inner door for people to exit and explore with suits on, and possibly find whoever was banging on the door after praimfaya. If we have calculated the amount of debree above the door correcltly, it will all go as planned."

Octavia nodded to the engineer, and then walked back to her office.

She was worried. Something didn't feel right, but she didn't have control over the population of the bunker anymore. People were starving, fighting, trying anything to get out. The amount of deaths had rissen, and not just murder, but other causes, like starvation, and even taking their own lives.

She sat down at her desk, and decided to write a note to bellamy, just in case she never saw him again.

_Bellamy,_

_Before I say anything, I want you to know that I love you, big brother. No matter what I have said, what I have done, no matter anything in the world, you are my brother._

_I don't know what blowing the door off will entail, but we need to get out of here. People need to see the sky, even for a short time. Give them the hope of the world._

_I remember the first time we landed on Earth. We were so careless. Oh, how things have changed, Bell._

_I hope to god that you're alive, and reading this note._

_Someone was banging on the door some time after praimfaya. I wonder who it was. I know you made it into space, we saw the takeoff from our computers before they fully went out, and I remember our goodbye radio call. So who was it? It must be someone who could survive the radiation so maybe Clarke? A lot of people here still believe that her night blood isn't true, so that it couldn't be her, and that the surface is actually survivable. Please don't tell me she sacrificed herself YET AGAIN for you all. Serves her character right. But the banging stopped after a bit, and it hasn't started again._

_I hope to god all the calculations are right, and the amount of debree is what the engineers think it is, and nothing would have changed that. If they're wrong, I'm not sure what will happen._

_I love you, Bell,_

_O._

A knock rang out on the door, and Octavia told them to enter.

"The explosives are ready, Blodraina," the guard said.

Octavia folded the note up and placed it on her desk, then walked out of her office and to the floor of the main room.

"We're waiting for your command, Blodraina."

Octavia hesitated for a moment, but then looked at the hopeful faces of those around her.

She had to do this.

"Do it," she says quickly.

The engineer nodded to someone, who pulled a trigger. 

Octavia looked up to the airlock's inner door just in time to see it burst off of it's frame.

_\--------_

Clarke was staring blankly at the stretch of land in front of her as she drove. She wasn't paying attention to anything, silently praying that she would crash and her torture would end. 

She was awoken from her day dream by the sound of a large explosion. She slammed on the breaks and jumped out of the rover, looking around for any fire ball, but she saw none. She then heard a second explosion meer seconds after the first, and noticed it came from the east. 

_Polis_

_Had they blasted themselves free from the bunker? Was she going to see her mother again? Was her 3 years of torture over? Had it all finally been for something?_

Clarke jumped back into the rover and slammed on the gas, heading towards Polis, which according to her map was around a mile or two away. 

She reached Polis, and then where the entrance of the bunker should be.

She hopped out of the rover, and then ran to the entrance of the bunker. It was gone. The door was smashed to bits, and the room inside desimated. 

She climbed down into the room, and then noticed the inner door was gone to.

She froze, any hope she had instantly gone.

She slowly walked through the open doorframe, and imediatly crumbled at what she saw. Over a hundred bodies, in a state like the ones she had left at Mount Weather. Dead. They were all dead.

She was now truly alone. Not just on the surface, but the entire planet. 

Clarke felt herself become numb somewhere inside.

She walked down the spiral ramp and to the floor, which was covered in bodies.

She recognized one of them as Octavia.

Clarke wanted to cry, but nothing came out. She was beyond sadness.

Then she looked around again, and saw the sight she was dreading. Her mom was laying there, holding onto Kane. She was dead too. Clarkes entire family. Her entire life.

Clarke stood there for what seemed like an entire day, until finally going to try and find out what had happened.

She walked into the chancelors office, which she guessed was now Octavias.

She saw the note Octavia left on the desk, and opened it.

What she read made the numbness in her expand everywhere.

She had done this too them. She had gave them the hope that the ground was survivable. And she had messed with the debree above the door. She was why they calculated it wrong. 

She had just kiiled the last sustanable group of the human race.


End file.
